The ultimate terrorist

Today's offerings come to you from poets who have definitively solved the mystery of why most Indic deities choose peculiar abodes and retreats far removed from human habitation.

(1) Devanagari text:

कमले कमला शेते हरः शेते हिमालये|
क्षीराब्धौ च हरिः शेते मन्ये मत्कुणशङ्कया||

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

kamale kamalA zete haraH zete himAlaye| 

kSIrAbdhau ca hariH zete manye matkuNazaGkayA||

Loose translation: Lakshmi sleeps on a lotus, Shiva in the Himalayas, and Vishnu on the Ocean of Milk – I think it is because they are all afraid of bedbugs. 

Source: Subhashita Ratna Bhandagara, Verse 13 of the chapter on comedy; Subhashita Ratnakara, Verse 177 of the chapter on miscellaneous verses (मिश्रप्रकरण).

(2) Devanagari text:

मन्ये मत्कुणशङ्कया जलनिधौ गत्वा हरिः सुप्तवां-
स्तन्नाभ्यम्बुरुहे प्रजापतिरभूल्लक्ष्मीश्च तद्वक्षसि|
कैलासाचलमाश्रितः पशुपतिर्गौरी तदुत्सङ्गगा 
नक्षत्रग्रहमण्डलं च सकलं येषां भयाद् भ्राम्यति||
शशिदिनकरौ व्योम्नि स्वर्गे शचीहृदयेश्वरो 
धनपतिरसौ कैलासाद्रौ हरिर्मकराकरे|
शतधृतिरयं नाभौ शम्भुः श्मशानभुवं गतो 
भुजगरमणोऽधो मन्येऽहं द्रुतं किल मत्कुणात्|| 

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

manye matkuNazaGkayA jalanidhau gatvA hariH suptavAM-
stannAbhyamburuhe prajApatirabhUllakSmIzca tadvakSasi| 

kailAsAcalamAzritaH pazupatirgaurI tadutsaGgagA
nakSatragrahamaNDalaM ca sakalaM yeSAM bhayAD bhrAmyati||
zazidinakarau vyomni svarge zacIhRdayeszvaro
dhanapatirasau kailAsAdrau harirmakarAkare|
zatadhRitirayaM nAbhau zambhuH zmazAnabhuvaM gato
bhujagaramaNo(a)dho manye(a)haM drutaM kila matkuNAt||

Loose translation: I think that it is the fear of bedbugs that has forced Vishnu to make for the ocean to catch some sleep; for the same reason, Brahma dwells in the lotus that springs from Vishnu's navel, and Lakshmi on his chest (or in his heart); Shiva has taken refuge on Mount Kailasa and Gauri on Shiva's lap. (Indeed,) it is the same fear that keeps all the stars and planets moving round and round!

The Moon and the Sun reside in the sky, the lord of Shachi's heart (i.e. Indra, King of the Devas) dwells in paradise, the lord of wealth (i.e. Kubera) on Mount Kailasa, Vishnu in the abode of aquatic monsters (i.e. the ocean), Brahma on (the lotus shooting up from) Vishnu's navel, Shiva at cremation grounds, and the lord of serpents (i.e. Ananta) in the netherworld – I think it is because they were all trying to get away from bedbugs as fast as possible.

Source: Anyokti Muktaavali (अन्योक्तिमुक्तावली), "a pearl-string of allegorical writings", compiled in the 17th century (completed in 1679 CE) by the Jain scholar Hamsavijaya Gani (हंसविजयगणि), Chapter 4, Verses 20-21.

Notes: In the 18th century, Ali Muheeb Khan 'Pritam' (अली मुहीब खाँ 'प्रीतम') wrote his magnum opus Khatmal baisi (खटमल बाईसी), "twenty-two odes to the bedbug", with the same theme as the above verses, in an early Hindustani dialect. This is sometimes regarded as the first specimen of a purely comedic composition in Hindi literature; you can find some excerpts here.

Also, feel free to check this post out.