Ups and downs

Here's a centuries-old sarcastic snippet that will definitely come across as sexist to many modern readers.

Devanagari text:

तवोच्छ्रितान् पातयितुः पतितांश्चोद्धरिष्यतः|
विधातुरिव दृश्यन्ते भग चित्रा विभूतयः||

– व्याघ्रगण

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

tavocchritAn pAtayituH patitaMzcoddhariSyataH|
vidhAturiva dRzyante bhaga citrA vibhUtayaH||

– vyAghragaNa

Loose translation: You make the exalted fall and the fallen rise – O Vulva¹! Your powers are just as wondrously varied as those of Fate² (that is responsible for the vicissitudes of human life).

Source: This verse is available in the Subhaashitaavali (सुभाषितावलि) from 10th century Kashmir (see this post), and in a slightly modified form in the Subhaashita Sudhaanidhi (सुभाषितसुधानिधि) from 14th century Vijayanagara (see this post).

Notes: If it was not clear already, the 'fall' here refers to moral degradation, and the 'rise' is of course an erection. It was not uncommon for authors to vilify female physicality and character in moralizing discourses that were, needless to say, aimed at a male reader base.  

1 Sanskrit has many words for the female genitalia, of which our poet has chosen to use bhaga (भग). Curiously, this word can also mean 'good luck' (compare the word bhaagya (भाग्य)) or 'excellence', among other things! In fact, bhaga is the source of the word bhagavaan (भगवान्) that refers to God in many Indic languages.^↩

2 The poet uses vidhaatr (विधातृ) which literally translates to 'the ordainer', and can refer to a deity in control of human destiny, sometimes identified with Brahma, or Fate personified, or just 'God' in non-denominational literature.^↩

A risqué riddle

Since this is a riddle, I will provide hints below. But I won't give away the solution since I think it is fairly obvious. 

Devanagari text:

एकेन रोमनालेन जातं पङ्केरुहद्वयम्|
ज्ञात्वाधो धनमस्यास्ति खनन्ति निशि रागिणः||

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

ekena romanAlena jAtaM paGkeruhadvayam|
jJAtvAdho dhanamasyAsti khananti nishi rAgiNaH||

– Anonymous

Loose translation: On a single bristly stalk, blossoms a pair of lotuses – knowing that there is a treasure beneath it, passionate individuals excavate at night. 

Source: This couplet actually seems to be quite well-known. I first came across it in the 19th century Vidyakara Sahasrakam (see this post for details).

Hints: In Indic literature, various parts of the body such as the face, hands, feet, and suchlike – especially those of a voluptuous woman – are often compared to lotuses in full bloom. Moreover, there is a particular feature of the female body that was, for many centuries, considered a mark of great beauty in the Subcontinent – a vertical streak of hair on the abdomen above the navel. Known by various names, including romaavali (रोमावलि), romaraaji (रोमराजि), and romalataa (रोमलता), it was often described as something that could distract even men with the highest level of self-control,  and its first appearance was celebrated in poetry as a sign of puberty! It is amazing how much our attitude towards body hair, especially female body hair, has changed in recent times.

How to treat eye diseases

Today's excerpt is from the critical edition (published in 1923) of Latakamelaka (लटकमेलक), "An Assemblage of Scoundrels", a famous farce (Sanskrit: prahasana (प्रहसन)) that satirizes people of standing and their cohorts. It was penned by Shankhadhara (शङ्खधर) of Kannauj "for the entertainment of his king and patron Gavindachandra[sic]¹ in a spring festival, probably in between 1113 and 1143 A.D."²

One of the most amusing characters in this comedic masterpiece is Jantuketu (जन्तुकेतु), a boastful quack, who is aptly titled Mahaavaidya (महावैद्य) "the great physician". The play is set in a brothel run by an aging madam named Danturaa (दन्तुरा) who, in one scene, requests Jantuketu to treat her partial blindness. It is at this point that the resourceful charlatan prescribes the following panacea for all ophthalmic disorders.

Devanagari text:

चक्षूरोगे समुत्पन्ने तप्तफालं गुदे न्यसेत्|
तदा नेत्रोद्भवां पीडां मनसापि न संस्मरेत्||

– शङ्खधर

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

cakSUroge samutpanne taptaphAlaM gude nyaset|
tadA netrodbhavA pIDA manasApi na saMsmaret||

– Shankhadhara

Loose translation: In the event of a complaint of the eyes, a heated plowshare should be inserted into the rectum – this will cause even the thought of any discomfort in the eye area to vanish from the mind (of the patient).

Notes on the source: The editors of the publication note that the above verse is not present in two of the three manuscripts they consulted for the preparation of their critical edition. My guess is that it was expunged from some later versions since someone deemed it too vulgar to be part of a dramatic composition. Indeed, many European Orientalists refrained from publishing Sanskrit comedies that they had collected "on account of their being too obscene".

1 It should be Govindachandra (गोविन्दचन्द्र), a king of the Gahadvala dynasty.^↩
2 History of Indian Literature, p. 297, by Moriz Winternitz, a renowned Indologist from Austria.^↩

Doing business

Devanagari text:

आदौ नम्रस्ततः स्तब्धः कार्यकालेषु निष्ठुरः|
कृते कार्ये पुनर्नम्रः शिश्नतुल्यो वणिग्जनः||

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

Adau namrastataH stabdhaH kAryakAleSu niSThuraH|
kRte kArye punarnamraH ziznatulyo vaNigjanaH||

– Anonymous

Loose translation: Bowing down at first, then stiff, cruel in action, and bowing down again once the deed is done – a businessperson is just like a penis.

Source: Verse no. 2298 of Subhaashitaavali compiled by the Kashmiri scholar Vallabhadeva (see this post).

Strict vegetarianism

This little vignette revolves around an unnamed sramana (श्रमण) – an ascetic following a non-Vedic way of life such as Jainism or Buddhism (in fact, these non-Brahminical belief systems are collectively called sramanic traditions). These sramanas would usually live in monasteries (the word sramana is cognate with ashram), and would swear to lead a life of celibacy and mendicancy, with dietary restrictions peculiar to their faith. Below, you will see how one such ascetic adheres to his vow of abstinence from meat even in the face of extreme temptation.

Devanagari text:

श्रमणः श्रावकवध्वाः सुरतविधौ दशति नाधरं दत्तम्|
मदिराक्षि मांसभक्षणमस्मत्समये निषिद्धमिति||

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

zramaNaH zrAvakavadhvAH suratavidhau dazati nAdharaM dattam|
madirAksi mAMsabhakSaNamasmatsamaye niSiddhamiti||

– Anonymous

Loose translation: While the ascetic was engaging in intercourse with a disciple's wife, she offered him her lips so that he might bite them. But he refused, saying, "O lady with intoxicating eyes! In our order, the consumption of flesh is prohibited."

Source: This verse in the above form can be found in the 19th/20th century Subhashita Ratna Bhandagara (सुभाषितरत्नभाण्डागार) which I referenced in this post. A slightly different version exists in Suktimuktaavali (सूक्तिमुक्तावली), the same 13th century anthology in which I found this couplet. In place of श्रावकवध्वाः सुरतविधौ (zrAvakavadhvAH suratavidhau), this older version reads श्रावकवृद्धासुरतविधौ (zrAvakavRddhAsuratavidhau) "during intercourse with the aged female disciple", but I think this is a copying or printing error. Moreover, निषिद्धम् (niSiddham), "prohibited", is replaced by its synonym विरुद्धम् (viruddham).

A candid confession

Today's offering is a tiny tale about how a lack of opportunity and resources can compel a man to take matters into his own hands. It might be considered by many to be in poor taste; nevertheless, it has found its way into at least two of the most celebrated Sanskrit anthologies of all time, as an example of humor (yes, it was regarded as art):

• as verse no. 2216 of the Subhaashitaavali (सुभाषितावलि) compiled by Vallabhadeva (वल्लभदेव) in 10th century Kashmir (see this post), and
• as one of the couplets in the chapter on comedy in the Subhaashita Sudhaanidhi (सुभाषितसुधानिधि), "a repository of the nectar of good sayings", ascribed to Saayana (सायण), the famed scholar of the Vijayanagara Empire in the 14th century.

Quite disappointingly, the author is unknown. All we can say with any degree of certainty about this composition is that it is at least a thousand years old. 

Devanagari text:

रण्डाः पाषण्डिभिर्व्याप्ता भर्तृभिः कुलयोषितः|
वेश्या द्रविणमिच्छन्ति वयं करपरायणाः||¹

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

raNDAH pASaNDibhirvyAptA bhartRbhiH kulayoSitaH|
vezyA draviNamicchanti vayaM karaparAyaNAH||

– Anonymous

Loose translation: Licentious women² are surrounded by scoundrels, wives of respectable families are protected by their husbands, prostitutes want money – hence, I am loyal to my hand.³

1 The second half of the version quoted in the Subhaashitaavali reads वेश्या धनिनमिच्छन्ति च्छात्राः करपरायणाः (vezyA dhaninamicchanti cchAtrAH karaparAyaNAH), which translates to "prostitutes desire rich men, (male) students are loyal to their hands.^↩

2 The poet uses the word रण्डा (raNDA) which, as Monier Williams notes, is "a term of abuse in addressing women, a slut", and is cognate with swearwords applied in many modern Indic languages to (female) prostitutes, promiscuous women, and widows. In Sanskrit, it was usually not used for a sex worker because prostitution was a legitimate profession (although perhaps not a respected one) in many principalities, but referred to other women engaging in what would be deemed sexual misconduct.^↩

3 The original reads "we are hand-loyal"; however, the plural form of the first-person pronoun was (and is) sometimes used by a poet to refer to himself or herself only.^↩

Signs of aging

In today's quote, an aging poet documents his daily struggles.

Devanagari text:

आपाण्डुराः शिरसिजास्त्रिवली कपोले दन्तावली विगलिता न च मे विषादः|
एणीदृशो युवतयः पथि मां विलोक्य तातेति भाषणपराः खलु वज्रपातः||

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

ApANDurAH zirasijAstrivalI kapole dantAvalI vigalitA na ca me viSAdaH|
eNIdRzO yuvatayaH pathi mAM vilokya tateti bhASaNaparAH khalu vajrapAtaH||

– Anonymous

Loose translation: The grey streaks on my head¹, the wrinkles on my cheeks², and my loosening teeth do not dampen my spirits. What definitely hits me like a thunderbolt, however, is a doe-eyed damsel spotting me in the street and reverently addressing me as father.³

Source: Subhashita Ratna Bhandagara (सुभाषितरत्नभाण्डागार), "a treasury of gems of good sayings", an anthology of over 10,000 couplets, available here. There seems to be some disagreement on the identity of the compiler as well as the date of compilation (the date of publication might be as late as 1952!). More importantly (and unfortunately), the compiler provides no information on the authorship or antiquity of the snippets quoted.  

1 The original reads आपाण्डुराः शिरसिजाः "palish strands of hair."^↩

2 The author uses the word त्रिवली "a collection of three folds of skin" which usually refers to three horizontal lines formed by folds of skin a little above a woman's navel, seen as a mark of great beauty (take a look at this Chola bronze figure of Kali to get an idea); the use of this word to denote facial wrinkles caused by old age is undoubtedly facetious.^↩

3 The verse says तात which literally means father but can be used as a term of address for any older respectable man.^↩