The penman

Verses 508, 509, and 510 of the anthology Vajjalaggam, quoted below, constitute the lehayavajjA (लेहयवज्जा; Sanskrit lekhakavrajyA (लेखकव्रज्या)), "the chapter on the penman". Here, lekhaka refers to a man who charges money for writing letters by hand on behalf of others who are presumably illiterate. 

Today's quotes are written from the perspective of dissatisfied female customers chiding male "letter-writers" for completely failing at their job. The language is stylized Maharashtri Prakrit but sadly the authors are unknown. The Sanskrit renderings are by the commentator Ratnadeva (रत्नदेव), unless otherwise noted.

(1) Devanagari text:

मसि मलिऊण न याणासि लेहणि गहिऊण मूढ खलिओ सि|

ओसरसु कूडलेहय सुललियपत्तं विणासिहिसि||
(मषीं (वीर्यं) मर्दितुं न जानासि लेखनीं (शेफं) ग्रहीतुं मूढ स्खलितोऽसि|
अपसर कूटलेखक सुललितपत्त्रं (शय्याप्रच्छादनपटं) विनाशयिष्यसि||)

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

masi maliUNa n yANAsi lehaNi gahiUNa mUDha khalio si|

osarasu kUDalehaya sulaliyapattaM viNAsihisi||

Loose translation: You don't know how to squeeze the ink out! You are so clumsy even as you try to hold your pen (in the right position), you moron! Get out, good-for-nothing writer, you are just going to ruin the tender writing sheet (presumably, a treated palm-leaf strip used as a writing surface)!
[For the true import, Ratnadeva urges you to replace "ink" with a certain body fluid, "pen" with a certain body part, and "writing sheet" with "bed sheet".]

Notes: According to Pathak, for an erotic reading, the Prakrit sulaliyapattaM (सुललियपत्तं) should be Sanskritized as sulalitapAtraM (सुललितपात्रं), "a tender  / sweet receptacle",  a euphemism for another body part. 

(2) Devanagari text:

ढलिया य मसी भग्गा य लेहणी खरडियं च तलवट्टं|

धिद्धि त्ति कूडलेहय अज्ज वि लेहत्तणे तण्हा||

(स्खलिता च मषी (वीर्यं) भग्ना च लेखनी (शेफो) भग्नं च तालपत्त्रम्* (शय्याप्रच्छादनपटं)| 
धिग्धिगिति कूटलेखकाद्यापि लेखने** (यभने) तृष्णा||
*तलपट्टम् , **लेखकत्वे – Pathak)

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

DhaliyA ya masI maggA ya lehaNI kharaDiyaM ca talavaTTaM|
dhiddhi tti kUDalehaya ajja vi lehattaNe taNhA||

Loose translation: All the ink has leaked out, the pen is broken, and the palm-leaf sheet is ripped! And you still want to go on writing?! Fie on you, you worthless writer!
[See (1) above for the implications of "ink", "pen", and "palm-leaf sheet"; in addition, replace "writing" with a certain activity that does not require literacy. Moreover, "broken" must be (hopefully) taken figuratively, as in verse (2) of this post.]

Notes: One of the Prakrit words that makes the pun work is talavaTTaM (तलवट्टं) which can be Sanskritized either as tAlapattram (तालपत्त्रम्), "palm-leaf sheet" or talapaTTam (तलपट्टम्) ,"a piece of cloth to be spread underneath oneself or over a flat surface".

(3) Devanagari text:

पिहुलं मसिभायणयं अत्थि मसी वित्थरं च तलवट्टं|

अम्हारिसाण कज्जे हयलेहय लेहणी भग्गा||

(पृथुलं मषीभाजनमस्ति मषी विस्तरं* च तालपत्त्रम्**| 
अस्मादृशीनां कार्ये हतलेखक लेखनी भग्ना||
*विस्तृतं, **(वराङ्गम्) – Pathak)

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

pihulaM masibhAyaNayaM atthi masI vittharaM ca talavaTTaM|
amhArisANa kajje hayalehaya lehaNI bhaggA||

Loose translation: You have such a large ink-pot, and (presumably) such copious amounts of ink; and you have been given such a large palm-leaf sheet to boot. Yet, when it came time to do the job for me, you had to go and bust your pen, you sad excuse for a scribe!
[Replace "ink-pot" with a certain sac involved in the production of a certain fluid; the rest can be inferred from (1) and (2) above.]