The destroyed haystack

Devanagari text:

दलिते पलालपुञ्जे वृषभं परिभवति गृहपतौ कुपिते|
निभृतनिभालितवदनौ हलिकवधूदेवरौ हसतः||

– गोवर्धनाचार्य

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

dalite palAlapuJje vRSabhaM paribhavati gRhapatau kupite|
nibhRtanibhAlitavadanau halikavadhUdevarau hasataH||

– govardhanAcArya

Loose translation: When the farmer discovered that his haystack was undone and started punishing his bull in a fit of rage (assuming the latter to be the culprit), his wife and his younger brother glanced at each other's faces surreptitiously and smiled.

Source: Aryasaptashati (आर्यासप्तशती) Verse 302. As the name suggests, this work is a collection of 700 independent verses all written in the arya (आर्या) meter by Govardhana Acharya under the auspices of Lakshmana Sena (लक्ष्मणसेन) of Bengal in the 12th century CE.

Notes: In case you didn't get it, the poor bull was innocent – it was the wife and her brother-in-law who had just had a literal romp in the hay while the clueless cuckold was away!

Helpings

Evidently, the author of today's quote was at a feast or an eatery where they ended up a victim of the servers' transparent attempt to give an impression of a lavish serving while actually skimping on portion sizes. And they decided to record their disgruntlement for posterity in exquisite verse.

Devanagari text:

भक्तं प्रतोलयति वज्रमिवामरेन्द्रः
शाकं समुद्धरति शल्यमिवास्थिलग्नम्|
क्वाथीं सुसैन्धवयुतां गलदाहकर्त्रीं
निर्मत्सरेण मनसा जलवद्ददाति||

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

bhaktaM pratolayati vajramivAmarendraH
zAkaM samuddharati zalyamivAsthilagnam|
kvAthIM susaindhavayutAM galadAhakartrIM
nirmatsareNa manasA jalavaddadAti||

– Anonymous

Loose translation: He scoops up rice with as much effort as the king of the gods exerts while lifting his thunderbolt, and doles out vegetables (sparingly) as if he were (cautiously) dislodging a pointed shaft from a bone. But the sauce – so heavily seasoned with rock salt that it causes the throat to burn – he pours out generously like water.

Source: Subhaashitaavali Verse 2358.

Notes:  A scholarly translation of this couplet by A. N. D. Haksar reads

He measures out rice

like Indra his diamonds,

and displays greens

like a barb from a bone,

but the sauce so spiced

that it burns the throat,

he serves most freely,
just like water.

The original makes no mention of the server's gender; I have chosen to use the male pronoun in deference to the above translator. Moreover, Haksar translates vajra (वज्र) as "diamond" rather than "thunderbolt" – indeed, both are primary meanings of the Sanskrit word vajra, and were perhaps thought to be identical! 

The perspicacious parent

One of the most bittersweet moments in South Asian life is the send-off of the newly married daughter to her in-laws' home. Tears are shed, outward bound steps are taken with great effort and then rapidly retraced, attempts are made to allay fear and pain with warm hugs and reassuring words. Below are the words of a concerned and farsighted parent trying to console their weeping daughter as she embarks on a new phase of her life.

Maharashtri Prakrit text in the Devanagari script:

नियडकुडङ्गं पच्छन्नदेउलं बहुजुवाणसंकिण्णं|
थेरो पइ त्ति मा रूवसु पुत्ति दिन्ना सि सुग्गामे||

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

niyaDakuDaGgaM pacchannadeulaM bahujuvANasaMkiNNaM|

thero pa-i tti mA rUvasu putti dinnA si suggAme||

– Anonymous

Sanskrit translation in the Devanagari script:

निकटकुटङ्गकं  प्रच्छन्नदेवकुलं बहुयुवसंकीर्णं|
स्थविरः पतिरिति मा रोदीः पुत्रि दत्तासि सुग्रामे||

– रत्नदेव

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

nikaTakuTaGgakaM pracchannadevakulaM bahuyuvasaMkIRNaM|
sthaviraH patiriti mA rodIH putri dattAsi sugrAme||

– ratnadeva

Loose translation: Do not cry, dear daughter, just because your husband is senile – I am sending you off to an excellent village which is close to a bower with a well-concealed temple frequented by many young men.

Source:  Vajjalaggam (वज्जालग्गं; Sanskrit व्रज्यालग्नम् (vrajyAlagnam)), "a union of chapters", Verse 472. This rather obscure eclectic Prakrit anthology is traditionally believed to have been compiled by a Shwetamabara Jain monk named Jayavallabha (जयवल्लभ) in the "early 1st millenium" of the common era. 

Notes:  If the import of the couplet was not clear already, suffice it to say that it is the first verse of the असईवज्जा (asaIvajjA; Sanskrit असतीव्रज्या (asatIvrajyA)), "the chapter on the adulteress": Pleasure gardens with overgrown pavilions and old, secluded shrines appear repeatedly in Indic literature as settings for lovers' trysts. However, the all-too-familiar reality of a young woman being consigned to a mostly unhappy life with an aged husband adds a sour touch to the otherwise flippant two-liner.

Loaded

Devanagari text:

आलिङ्गिताः परैर्यान्ति प्रस्खलन्ति समे पथि|
अव्यक्तानि च भाषन्ते धनिनो मद्यपा इव||

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

AliGgitAH parairyAnti praskhalanti same pathi|
avyaktAni ca bhASante dhanino madyapA iva||

– Anonymous

Loose translation: They are embraced by others as they walk, keep stumbling on a smooth road (are not steadfast on the path of righteousness), and utter indistinct words – the wealthy are, as it were, perpetually inebriated.

Source:  13th century Suktimuktaavali Chapter 89 Verse 29.

Notes:  The "others" who embrace (cling to) a rich person are presumably sycophants or supplicants. अव्यक्तानि, "indistinct utterances", might be a reference to the evasiveness (indicative of deceit) or the inanity (betraying a want of learning and wisdom) or the curtness (stemming from conceit) that the poet believes characterizes the speech of the affluent. 

Double entendre 3

Here's another innocent doctor-patient conversation, or is it?

Devanagari text:

 अतनुज्वरपीडितासि बाले तव सौख्याय मतो ममोपवासः|
रसमर्पय वैद्यनाथ नाहं भवदावेदितलङ्घने समर्था||

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

atanujvarapIDitAsi bAle tava saukhyAya mato mamopavAsaH|
rasamarpaya vaidynAtha nAhaM bhavadAveditalaGghane samarthA||

– Anonymous 

Loose translation: 
Reading 1
Male physician: You are running a high fever, young lady. For your relief, I recommend starvation therapy.
Female patient: O great doctor! Could you just give me a medicinal potion (instead)? I am incapable of observing the fast that you just prescribed.
Reading 2
Man: You are in heat, young lady. It is recommended that you come close to me so that you can be gratified.
Woman: (Yes!) Give me pleasure, O great doctor! For (I am so aroused that) it is impossible for me to disobey what you just said.

Source: Couplet 6 of the chapter on kuta (कूट) verses, i.e. cryptic or puzzling compositions, of Subhashita Ratnakara; the editor Krishnasastri Bhatwadekar attributes the quote to Jagannatha Mishra's Sabhaataranga (सभातरङ्ग).

Notes: The pun in the above snippet relies on the following polysemic constructs:

(i) अतनुज्वर: The word jvara (ज्वर) has the primary meaning "fever" and atanu (अतनु) can be interpreted as "intense" (literally, "not insignificant"); however Atanu is also one of the appellations of Kama – the Indic counterpart of Cupid – deified sexual desire (in this sense, atanu should be translated as "bodiless", an allusion to the incineration of Kama's body by the fire emerging from Shiva's third eye), and whenever the word jvara sits after kama or any of its synonyms, the resulting compound describes sexual arousal. Personally, I have only found it being applied to women. 

(ii) उपवास:  If we go by its morphological derivation, upavAsa (उपवास) should mean "staying nearby", which is the meaning one must consider to get an erotic reading of the quoted verse. However, upavAsa usually refers to ritual abstinence from food and other means of sensual gratification in order to make oneself pure and fit for receiving ("staying near" or "waiting on") a deity being invoked in a religious ceremony. In practice, the denotation is now just restricted to a religious fast.

(iii) रस: This can refer to any liquid, such as water, juice, sap, liquor, a bodily fluid, mercury, or a chemical concoction; it also describes "taste" and, by extension, any form of sensual pleasure.

(iv) लङ्घन: Derived from the verbal root laGgh (लङ्घ्) which is cognate with the adjective laghu (लघु) meaning "light", this noun usually denotes "leaping over" (requiring lightness of feet), hence "overstepping" or "transgression"; however, it is also a technical term used in proto-medical (ayurvedic) literature for controlled fasting (which causes "lightness" i.e. weight loss).

Finally, note that rasa (रस) also counts semen among its multiple meanings, and bAlA (बाला), which is the word used by the male speaker to address his female 'patient' above, denotes a human female no more than sixteen years of age according to most traditional authorities. I avoided mentioning these in my main translation for it might cause some readers a certain amount of mental distress.

Head shake

Devanagari text:

 तन्वङ्गीनां स्तनौ दृष्ट्वा शिरः कम्पायते युवा|
तयोरन्तरसंलग्नां दृष्टिमुत्पाटयन्निव||

– पाणिनि

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

tanvaGgInAM stanau dRSTvA ziraH kampAyate yuvA|
tayorantarasaMlagnAM dRSTimutpATayanniva||

– pANini

Loose translation: A young man jerks his head whenever he sees the breasts of a delicate-limbed woman, as if to yank his vision that has got stuck in her cleavage.

Source:  Subhashita Ratna Kosha (सुभाषितरत्नकोष), "a repository of gems of good sayings", Chapter 16 Verse 55, compiled by Vidyakara (विद्याकर) who is believed to be a Buddhist monk affiliated with the Jagaddala monastery in North Bengal in the late 11th – early 12th century CE. The chapter is entitled yuvativarnanavrajyaa (युवतिवर्णनव्रज्या), "the chapter describing young women". As far as the author is concerned, I don't know if he is the same as the Panini, the world's first known descriptive linguist.

Longevity

Below is a fundamental law of nature simply and succinctly stated by the distinguished 19th century Sanskrit scholar Pandit Premchandra Tarkabagish, পণ্ডিত প্রেমচন্দ্র তর্কবাগীশ (1805-1867), of Bengal.

Devanagari text:

 ग्रीष्मकाले दिनं दीर्घं शीतकाले तु शर्वरी|
परोपतापिनः सर्वे प्रायशो दीर्घजीविनः||

– प्रेमचन्द्रतर्कवागीश

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

grISmakAle dinaM dIrghaM zItakAle tu zarvarI|
paropatApinaH sarve prAyazo dIrghajIvinaH||

– premacandratarkavAgIza

Loose translation: Days are longer in the summer; nights are longer in the winter – those who are given to torturing others usually live long too.

Source:  Kavivacanasudhaa verse 233.

Notes: The compiler Pandit Tarakumar Kabiratna, a student of the author, provides the following Bengali verse translation of the above couplet:

দিবাভাগ দীর্ঘ হয় গ্রীষ্মের সময়,

দারুণ শীতের রাত্রি দীর্ঘকাল রয়;

লোকের পীড়নকারী যারা দুরাশয়,

তারাই জগতে হায় দীর্ঘকাল রয়।

Morning rituals

Many South Asians start their day on the edge of a body of water in the open air, bathing, washing and performing religious rites, and have been doing so for centuries. This coming together of individuals from different walks of life to engage in activities that might be considered private in many cultures creates unique opportunities for some to actualize their ignoble intentions with little fear of being caught.

Devanagari text:

स्नायं स्नायमनारतं धनवतामग्रे निरीहव्रताः
प्रायो मृत्तिलदर्भसंग्रहरताः सम्मोहयन्तो जगत्|
अम्भःकेलिकृतावतारतरुणीनीरन्ध्रवक्षोरुह-
द्वन्द्वालोकनकूणितेक्षणयुगं ध्यायन्त्यमी दाम्भिकाः||

Harvard-Kyoto transliteration:

snAyaM snAyamanArataM dhanavatAmagre nirIhavratAH
prAyo mRttiladarbhasaMgraharatAH sammohayanto jagat|
ambhaHkelikRtAvatArataruNInIrandhravakSoruha-
dvandvAlokanakUNitekSaNayugaM dhyAyantyamI dAmbhikAH ||

– Anonymous

Loose translation: Taking repeated ritual baths (in the river¹), making a great show of their avowed non-possession in the presence of the affluent², often engaged in gathering (religious paraphernalia such as) sacred earth, sesame seeds, and sacred grass, beguiling the whole world, these sanctimonious scoundrels sit (on the river's edge) with their eyes half-closed in a pretense of meditation to get a good view of the (full) breasts, each pair tightly pressing together³, of lasses who have come down (to the river) to frolic about in the water.

Source: Suktimuktaavali (13th century) Chapter 89 Verse 8.

Notes: Within the span of a single distich, our cynical poet has effectively dismissed multiple ascetic / priestly practices as calculated ruses to achieve either artha, "resources and power", (by impressing potential moneyed patrons) or kama, "sensual pleasure", (voyeuristic pleasure, in particular) under the guise of pursuing dharma, "piety and rectitude".

This snippet bears an uncanny resemblance to a line in the first chapter of the Bengali novel Bishabrikkha (বিষবৃক্ষ), "the poison tree", penned by Bankim Chandra Chattopadhyay, where the author describes in great detail the riverside activities of villagers at daybreak, as seen by the protagonist from his boat:

ব্রাহ্মণ ঠাকুরেরা নিরীহ ভালমানুষের মত আপন মনে গঙ্গাস্তব পড়িতেছেন, পূজা করিতেছেন, এক একবার আকন্ঠনিমজ্জিতা কোন যুবতীর প্রতি অলক্ষ্যে চাহিয়া লইতেছেন।

"Putting on a facade of innocence, honorable Brahmins were absorbed in reciting hymns dedicated to the Ganges, solemnizing religious services, and casting furtive glances at the occasional young woman immersed up to her neck."

1 The author does not expressly mention a river. Any other body of water, like a natural lake or a man-made tank (except the ocean), considered sacred would also fit the description.^↩

2 This is my interpretation of the segment धनवतामग्रे निरीहव्रताः, "observing a vow of desirelessness before the wealthy".^↩

3 This is my interpretation of नीरन्ध्र, "without openings", hence "dense" or "firmly closed" (Monier-Williams). It is reminiscent of Kalidasa's description of Uma's breasts in Kumarasambhava Chapter 1 Verse 40:

अन्योन्यमुत्पीडयदुत्पलाक्ष्याः स्तनद्वयं पाण्डु तथा प्रवृद्धम्|

मध्ये यथा श्याममुखस्य तस्य मृणालसूत्रान्तरमप्यलभ्यम्||

"Of her, the lily-eyed one, the two breasts yellowish white, having black nipples and pressing against each other, were so rounded that as much space as could be occupied even by a lotus fibre was impossible to be found between them." – Translation by M. R. Kale.^↩